Lighten up Buttercup

OK, my poem IS a little on the dark side.. BUT sometimes, I really love to hang out there. I mean, who wants to be upbeat and smiling all the damn time? Where is the dark chocolate and bourbon in that? ( Here it is!!)  Give me a long silk brood and a reason to listen to blues… I’ll do my thing, and then, when I’m done, I will get up brush the dirt off and hand out that smile all the old men seem to think we girls need to wear all the damn time.

For today, this seeker momma is sitting in bed after a two-week bout of influenza that has ravaged my entire household. Sitting here with nothing to do but over analyse my decision to uproot the clan… nothing to do but contemplating the 5 weeks till I board a plane bound for India. Gulp. All I seem to be able to focus on today is disease, social anarchy, terrorism and kidnapping. How very American of me. 

The house I so dedicated myself to for the past decade plus… Has lost the face it was so painstakingly given. It’s just a building now. A building with a shit ton of work to do in it. Every day we peel away another layer, every day we discard more of  the material trappings. It is a little like the girl in the movie Labyrinth, a girl wakes up to a dream in which seductive forces plot to sedate her with materialism and complacency. That scene has played out rather intensely in my life. I have always been afraid of being buried by my own self indulgences. This might be the biggest coping mechanism I’ve had for this move. That and This😁.

We traded our shiny new cars in for crappy, really used cheap ones. That was not as hard as I had expected. Doing this allowed us to wrap what we still owed on the new ones into a nice and significantly lower loan payment. It’s kind of fun, the thrill of not knowing if your car will explode or the wheels fall off while your driving down the road…kind of reminds me of my collage days…

The visa and passport debacle has been a right comedy… Luckily I had the instinct to start this process early..see mom.. I do know a thing or three at 40. More on that.. later.